Where then is the
question of Sri Aurobindo or even the Mother asking me to keep mauna?
There are people who like such gossip; they won't believe the truth even if
I told them myself. There is no basis in the talk about Sri Aurobindo
asking me to keep silent.
The external quiet that results from the control of speech is very helpful for
inner peace and growth. Hot discussions and exchanges give rise to low
and harmful vibrations which vitiate the whole atmosphere. Only that
which is useful and necessary for the sadhana should be spoken and that too
with full awareness. Gossip and back-biting are a great hindrance.
When we remain silent how many difficulties are overcome! It was with this
understanding that even while serving Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, I desired
to observe silence and prayed to Mother for her permission. But she did not
consent, because my silence would have affected my daily work with her.
In the month of October 1975, at times while talking my voice would suddenly
grow soft and faint without my feeling any pain or discomfort but in a few
moments it would automatically become normal. I doubt if anyone's attention
was drawn towards it, though it was to my benefit as I could shorten the
conversation. I wished to find out why this was happening. I wanted a
specialist in Madras could check my voice, but Nirod said, "It is not
necessary to go to Madras just for this. There is nothing wrong with your
voice." Nonetheless I persisted. Then Nirod said that he and Dr. Bose
would accompany me. I said it was not necessary. He insisted on coming as he
felt it was his duty. He said, "Mother has asked us to look after
you." I firmly refused: "It is absolutely unnecessary.".......
Had Nirod and Bose accompanied me, some ashramites without ascertaining the
facts would have concluded that the case must be serious since two doctors had
accompanied me. The specialist in Madras had said, "There is no
problem in the throat, only the nerves have been strained and need rest.
You may observe silence for 21 days or speak as little as
possible." For me it was like being prescribed my favourite diet as
medicine. The desire to observe silence (that was born when I was still
serving the Mother) awoke once again and was realised in different
circumstances and time. Circumstances arranged by Mother herself! She
always makes me do things by creating the necessary circumstances. I
never have to worry at all. I live in her infinite grace, in joyous
freedom. This
mauna
was her invaluable boon to me and thereafter I took it as a natural boon.
Thus I started to observe silence from 24th of November 1975. 21 days
were over on 14th December. On 15th December I spoke. I came to
know from others that my voice was perfectly normal. Then, as decided
beforehand, I resumed my silence from the next day and it still continues.
When some said that observing silence in this way was an austerity, I replied
that an austerity is that which is strenuous or difficult, bur remaining
silent has become as narural to me as talking had been. My silence is
not a penance nor a religious vow. I enjoy this silence.
Sometimes children ask me why I am not talking? Once a child, Hufreesh, asked
me, "You have not spoken for so long. What is the proof that you
have not lost your voice?" I explained to her in writing that as
you children enjoy talking so I enjoy my silence. I enjoy it even more
than when I was talking.....
